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Shaq doesn’t care for the Pelicans name, might not know what a pelican is

Sep 22, 2013, 12:30 PM EDT

Basketball star Shaquille O'Neal of the Getty Images

Shaquille O’Neal is not overly fond of the Pelicans nickname. This is not an uncommon opinion. Shaq’s reasoning for not liking the new name, though? Pretty spectacular.

“It’s a terrible name. I told Charles on TNT, I don’t think I’ve seen a Pelican before. Pelicans, are they that big white bird? I would had named them Tigers, Crawfish or something. Pelicans — no. But I wish them well.”

Via John Reid on NOLA.com

So many questions for you, Shaq. You really haven’t seen a Pelican before? It’s Louisiana’s state bird. You went to LSU. They were in Finding Nemo. You have children. Come on, Shaq. You yelled about Birdman for the entire postseason and now you know nothing about birds? Nice try. Are you undercover again?

Seriously, though, man. Crawfish? That’s your suggestion? Something cool like Tigers, or maybe crawfish? Pelicans could probably eat crawfish, bro. I don’t know if that’s true or not because I haven’t watched the Discovery channel in a really long time, but you don’t go down the food chain in search of a better nickname. You just don’t.

That’s alright, though. Nicknames are hard, you’ve wasted your ammo on yourself over the years, and now you’re spent. All good. New Orleans fans have plenty of reasons to be happy though, right? Bright future, yes?

I’ll be anxious to see how many jerseys they sell. Hopefully one day they’ll get some marquee players and fill the arena up because it’s a town that wants to support something good. Louisiana, in general, if you give them a good product, they’ll get in their RVs and drive and they will support you. Hopefully, one day we’ll get two or three good players that people would want to spend their money on.

I suppose the thought of hearing, “Nice Pelicans jersey!” could push someone with Ornithophobia away from a purchase, even if the name on the front says New Orleans. As for the names on the back? Anthony Davis, Jrue Holiday, Eric Gordon, Ryan Anderson and Tyreke Evans are pretty good players, but are they “fire up the RV” good?

But again, we need to two or three marquee players. I mean you can’t charge the prices that we charge and not give them a good product. So hopefully the first pick, Anthony Davis, and Doc Rivers’ son (Austin Rivers) hopefully have the same impact the ‘Splash Brothers’ (Golden State guards Stephen Curry and Klay Thompson) had last season.

So New Orleans fans, it sounds like Shaq thinks your new nickname stinks, you might not sell many jerseys, you don’t have good players that are worth spending money to watch, and your hopes of making a big impact rest partially with Austin Rivers, of all people.

But, you know, other than that? Go big white birds!

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