May 21, 2013, 10:40 AM EDT
The NBA lottery is fixed. There’s no question about it. Just as last year’s draft order was determined by a David Stern-led conspiracy, this year’s will be determined the same way.
Think about it. If the NBA lottery really were legitimate, why not conduct the draw publically rather than in a back room? If the league conducted the lottery in the open, nobody could ever question the results.
So, don’t bother tuning in tonight. I’ll tell you why it’s totally fixed.
Odds of winning the lottery: 25 percent 100 percent
The NBA doesn’t technically have compensatory picks, but we all know Stern takes care of teams that lose superstars. The Cavaliers lost LeBron James, and then they won the Kyrie Irving lottery. The Hornets lost Chris Paul, and then they won the Anthony Davis lottery. Now, the Magic lost Dwight Howard, and it’s their turn to land the top spot.
Odds of winning the lottery: 19.9 percent 100 percent
The Bobcats might be the league’s most stale team. That’s part of the reason Charlotte is changing its nickname back to the Hornets, but a new star would go much further. Charlotte once packed the stands for NBA games, and with a good team, ticket sales will surge again. Plus, Stern wants to boost Michael Jordan’s profile.
Odds of winning the lottery: 15.6 percent 100 percent
Stern desperately wants to create a Cavaliers-Heat rivalry to boost rankings, and to do so, he must make the Cavaliers better. Dan Gilbert remained loyal during the lockout, and especially after LeBron became the worst example of players seizing control from teams, Stern will reward Gilbert with a second No. 1 pick.
Odds of winning the lottery: 11.9 percent 100 percent
Robert Sarver might not be selling the Suns, but he’s at least dipped his feet in the water more than other owners. It’s particularly important for the NBA that its franchises for sale are as valuable as possible, raising the value of all franchises in the process. If Sarver decides to sell anytime in the next five years, having the No. 1 pick on his team would raise Phoenix’s value.
New Orleans Pelicans
Odds of winning the lottery: 8.8 percent 100 percent
Selling the New Orleans franchise proved so difficult, the NBA took over the team for a while. Even then, the league needed time to find a buyer. You think Tom Benson ponied up $388 million for only one No. 1 pick? He’s getting at least two from Stern. The NBA showed it was committed to keeping a team in New Orleans, and for that decision to be financially viable, the Pelicans need more talent, which Stern will gladly provide.
Odds of winning the lottery: 6.3 percent 100 percent
This just reeks of the Hornets situation last year. The NBA brokers the sale of a team shortly before the lottery, and – poof – that team gets the No. 1 pick. Why do you think these sales occur this time of year? Stern sweetens the pot with a No. 1 pick.
Odds of winning the lottery: 3.6 percent 100 percent
The Pistons’ attendance has been extremely volatile in the last decade. When the team was good, the Pistons led the league in home fans. Lately, they’ve ranked near the bottom. So, the marginal value of giving Detroit the No. 1 pick is extremely high. Stern also has a habit of rewarding the new owners with the No. 1 pick, and though Tom Gores had to take a backseat to more pressing matters in Cleveland and New Orleans, he’ll finally get that No. 1 pick promised to him when he bought the Pistons in 2011.
Odds of winning the lottery: 3.5 percent 100 percent
It’s the second term of a basketball-loving president, and if the NBA is going finally cash in on the marketing that would come with Barack Obama attending more games, the Wizards must be better sooner than later. Obama has been spotted at Wizards games before, but if those games became higher profile, Obama would probably attend more. That’s the type of cache the NBA could use as it expands globally.
Odds of winning the lottery: 1.7 percent 100 percent
Glen Taylor might not be selling the Timberwolves, but he’s at least dipped his feet in the water more than other owners. It’s particularly important for the NBA that its franchises for sale are as valuable as possible, raising the value of all franchises in the process. If Taylor decides to sell anytime in the next five years, having the No. 1 pick on his team would raise Minnesota’s value.
Portland Trail Blazers
Odds of winning the lottery: 1.1 percent 100 percent
Just as Paul Allen buys so many late first-round picks, he bought the No. 1 pick, too. Why do you think the league’s other owners put up with a rigged lottery? It’s because the “lucky” owner pays off the rest. Really, everybody wins. Allen gets his top player, and the other teams get cash for a player they didn’t deem that valuable (or else they would have bid higher). Best of all, because this income is under the table, no taxes.
Odds of winning the lottery: 0.8 percent 100 percent
Philadelphia is the largest media market in the lottery, and Sterns obviously wants his big-market teams to be better. 76ers fans can be among the league’s most-passionate – and the NBA is getting increasingly better at turning that passion into money – but this season’s malaise sucked the life out of the fan base. Nothing would get Philadelphia fans going like the No. 1 pick in the draft, and even if they boo him on draft night, at least they’ll be watching.
Odds of winning the lottery: 0.7 percent 100 percent
Not only are the Raptors the only NBA team based outside the United States, Toronto has plenty of overseas flavor. The Raptors are the NBA’s gateway to worldwide expansion, and the more fans the league draw sin Toronto, faster the growth will occur.
Odds of winning the lottery: 0.6 percent 100 percent
In the first full season since Mark Cuban bought the Mavericks, Dallas missed the playoffs. Now that he’s personally involved, Cuban won’t sit quietly as the NBA fixes the lottery – unless his teams wins it. Stern will give into Cuban just this once, helping the Mavericks reach the playoffs next season and allowing the NBA to continue its lottery-rigging ways without Cuban interfering.
Odds of winning the lottery: 0.5 percent 100 percent
Greg Miller’s ownership has been a little rocky, lowlighted by a very public feud with Karl Malone, since the death of Miller’s father, Larry H. Miller. Stern and Larry were old friends, and on his way out, Stern will do his old bud one last favor. Salt Lake City might not be the biggest market, but at this point, Stern doesn’t care. He just wants to look out for his friends.
Don’t worry, this post will still be here after the lottery in case you forget why it was fixed. Once you know who won the No. 1 pick, come back to check why we told you all along the whole thing was rigged for that team.
Aug 30, 2015, 6:30 PM EDT
We’ll all look back at the McCallum trade and say “it’s the Spurs doing Spurs things again.”
Aug 30, 2015, 5:00 PM EDT
He will be missed.
Aug 30, 2015, 3:30 PM EDT
Can Johnson take on the backup point guard role if Chalmers was moved?
Aug 30, 2015, 2:00 PM EDT
“You’re talking about being a fiscally responsible person, I am. That’s precisely why I did this.” —Scott Walker
Aug 30, 2015, 12:31 PM EDT
Aug 30, 2015, 11:00 AM EDT
First Cam Newton, now Usain Bolt.
Aug 30, 2015, 9:30 AM EDT
He may start at the four for Charlotte this year.
Aug 30, 2015, 8:00 AM EDT
Cherry played for the Spurs’ Summer League team.
Aug 29, 2015, 11:00 PM EDT
Unfortunately, neither of them can defend anyone.
Aug 29, 2015, 9:30 PM EDT
Claver played two-plus seasons with the Blazers.
Aug 29, 2015, 8:00 PM EDT
The block happened in the Seattle Pro-Am game.
Aug 29, 2015, 6:30 PM EDT
All in one 15-minute video.
Aug 29, 2015, 5:00 PM EDT
If he develops a consistent three-point shot, it’s over.
Aug 29, 2015, 3:30 PM EDT
Bargnani is playing for the Italian national team.
Aug 29, 2015, 2:00 PM EDT
Bryant has appeared in every 2K game.
Aug 29, 2015, 12:30 PM EDT
That’s what he does.
Aug 29, 2015, 11:00 AM EDT
Sibert played four years in college.
Aug 29, 2015, 9:30 AM EDT
Owning this may be better than seeing Space Jam 2 with Lebron James, if that project comes together.
Aug 29, 2015, 8:00 AM EDT
He’s a coach, a brother.” — Lakers’ co-owner Jim Buss on Byron Scott
Aug 28, 2015, 11:00 PM EDT
It’s not a coincidence you see stars like Chris Paul, LeBron James, Tim Duncan and Russell Westbrook in a highlight package like this.
- D’Angelo Russell on Tracy McGrady tweet: “Some Lakers fans are spoiled” 17
- Anthony Davis “definitely” plans on shooting more threes this season 4
- Jim Buss defends Byron Scott as Lakers coach, “He has the Laker blood in him” 24
- Jim Buss open to the idea of Kobe Bryant playing beyond this season 31
- Derrick Rose on sexual assault suit: “I am confident I will be proven innocent” 4
- Report: Kyrie Irving likely not back opening night, could be out until January 14
- Legendary Sixer, backboard-shattering dunker Darryl Dawkins dies at 58 14
- After Rio Olympics next summer, who takes over at Team USA coach? 8