May 21, 2013, 10:40 AM EDT
The NBA lottery is fixed. There’s no question about it. Just as last year’s draft order was determined by a David Stern-led conspiracy, this year’s will be determined the same way.
Think about it. If the NBA lottery really were legitimate, why not conduct the draw publically rather than in a back room? If the league conducted the lottery in the open, nobody could ever question the results.
So, don’t bother tuning in tonight. I’ll tell you why it’s totally fixed.
Odds of winning the lottery: 25 percent 100 percent
The NBA doesn’t technically have compensatory picks, but we all know Stern takes care of teams that lose superstars. The Cavaliers lost LeBron James, and then they won the Kyrie Irving lottery. The Hornets lost Chris Paul, and then they won the Anthony Davis lottery. Now, the Magic lost Dwight Howard, and it’s their turn to land the top spot.
Odds of winning the lottery: 19.9 percent 100 percent
The Bobcats might be the league’s most stale team. That’s part of the reason Charlotte is changing its nickname back to the Hornets, but a new star would go much further. Charlotte once packed the stands for NBA games, and with a good team, ticket sales will surge again. Plus, Stern wants to boost Michael Jordan’s profile.
Odds of winning the lottery: 15.6 percent 100 percent
Stern desperately wants to create a Cavaliers-Heat rivalry to boost rankings, and to do so, he must make the Cavaliers better. Dan Gilbert remained loyal during the lockout, and especially after LeBron became the worst example of players seizing control from teams, Stern will reward Gilbert with a second No. 1 pick.
Odds of winning the lottery: 11.9 percent 100 percent
Robert Sarver might not be selling the Suns, but he’s at least dipped his feet in the water more than other owners. It’s particularly important for the NBA that its franchises for sale are as valuable as possible, raising the value of all franchises in the process. If Sarver decides to sell anytime in the next five years, having the No. 1 pick on his team would raise Phoenix’s value.
New Orleans Pelicans
Odds of winning the lottery: 8.8 percent 100 percent
Selling the New Orleans franchise proved so difficult, the NBA took over the team for a while. Even then, the league needed time to find a buyer. You think Tom Benson ponied up $388 million for only one No. 1 pick? He’s getting at least two from Stern. The NBA showed it was committed to keeping a team in New Orleans, and for that decision to be financially viable, the Pelicans need more talent, which Stern will gladly provide.
Odds of winning the lottery: 6.3 percent 100 percent
This just reeks of the Hornets situation last year. The NBA brokers the sale of a team shortly before the lottery, and – poof – that team gets the No. 1 pick. Why do you think these sales occur this time of year? Stern sweetens the pot with a No. 1 pick.
Odds of winning the lottery: 3.6 percent 100 percent
The Pistons’ attendance has been extremely volatile in the last decade. When the team was good, the Pistons led the league in home fans. Lately, they’ve ranked near the bottom. So, the marginal value of giving Detroit the No. 1 pick is extremely high. Stern also has a habit of rewarding the new owners with the No. 1 pick, and though Tom Gores had to take a backseat to more pressing matters in Cleveland and New Orleans, he’ll finally get that No. 1 pick promised to him when he bought the Pistons in 2011.
Odds of winning the lottery: 3.5 percent 100 percent
It’s the second term of a basketball-loving president, and if the NBA is going finally cash in on the marketing that would come with Barack Obama attending more games, the Wizards must be better sooner than later. Obama has been spotted at Wizards games before, but if those games became higher profile, Obama would probably attend more. That’s the type of cache the NBA could use as it expands globally.
Odds of winning the lottery: 1.7 percent 100 percent
Glen Taylor might not be selling the Timberwolves, but he’s at least dipped his feet in the water more than other owners. It’s particularly important for the NBA that its franchises for sale are as valuable as possible, raising the value of all franchises in the process. If Taylor decides to sell anytime in the next five years, having the No. 1 pick on his team would raise Minnesota’s value.
Portland Trail Blazers
Odds of winning the lottery: 1.1 percent 100 percent
Just as Paul Allen buys so many late first-round picks, he bought the No. 1 pick, too. Why do you think the league’s other owners put up with a rigged lottery? It’s because the “lucky” owner pays off the rest. Really, everybody wins. Allen gets his top player, and the other teams get cash for a player they didn’t deem that valuable (or else they would have bid higher). Best of all, because this income is under the table, no taxes.
Odds of winning the lottery: 0.8 percent 100 percent
Philadelphia is the largest media market in the lottery, and Sterns obviously wants his big-market teams to be better. 76ers fans can be among the league’s most-passionate – and the NBA is getting increasingly better at turning that passion into money – but this season’s malaise sucked the life out of the fan base. Nothing would get Philadelphia fans going like the No. 1 pick in the draft, and even if they boo him on draft night, at least they’ll be watching.
Odds of winning the lottery: 0.7 percent 100 percent
Not only are the Raptors the only NBA team based outside the United States, Toronto has plenty of overseas flavor. The Raptors are the NBA’s gateway to worldwide expansion, and the more fans the league draw sin Toronto, faster the growth will occur.
Odds of winning the lottery: 0.6 percent 100 percent
In the first full season since Mark Cuban bought the Mavericks, Dallas missed the playoffs. Now that he’s personally involved, Cuban won’t sit quietly as the NBA fixes the lottery – unless his teams wins it. Stern will give into Cuban just this once, helping the Mavericks reach the playoffs next season and allowing the NBA to continue its lottery-rigging ways without Cuban interfering.
Odds of winning the lottery: 0.5 percent 100 percent
Greg Miller’s ownership has been a little rocky, lowlighted by a very public feud with Karl Malone, since the death of Miller’s father, Larry H. Miller. Stern and Larry were old friends, and on his way out, Stern will do his old bud one last favor. Salt Lake City might not be the biggest market, but at this point, Stern doesn’t care. He just wants to look out for his friends.
Don’t worry, this post will still be here after the lottery in case you forget why it was fixed. Once you know who won the No. 1 pick, come back to check why we told you all along the whole thing was rigged for that team.
Jul 25, 2014, 12:01 AM EDT
Bonner is one of a few Spurs teammates taking the trophy on tour this summer.
Jul 24, 2014, 11:00 PM EDT
Sixers continue their plan of seeking out delayed gratification.
Agency that reps Ray Allen says reports he intends to play for Cavaliers are ‘unfounded,’ no decision has been made
Jul 24, 2014, 9:45 PM EDT
Despite reports that Allen was on the verge of signing with Cleveland, nothing has been decided just yet.
Jul 24, 2014, 8:44 PM EDT
Blake Griffin joins Kawhi Leonard and LaMarcus Aldridge as players who are passing on Team USA this summer.
Jul 24, 2014, 7:18 PM EDT
Team USA is bringing Kyrie Irving, Stephen Curry, Damian Lillard, Derrick Rose and John Wall to camp. And that’s just at the point guard spot.
Jul 24, 2014, 6:30 PM EDT
The NBPA is up to something here
It’s official: Jameer Nelson signs with Mavericks, says: “I’m just preparing myself to make open shots.”
Jul 24, 2014, 5:49 PM EDT
Another solid signing for a Mavs team that has had a good offseason.
Jul 24, 2014, 5:02 PM EDT
It’s the largest single-year contract in NBA history.
Jul 24, 2014, 4:19 PM EDT
It’s another 30 days Minnesota can try to leverage a better deal out of Chicago, Golden State and anyone else who wants Kevin Love.
Jul 24, 2014, 3:33 PM EDT
His new nickname could be PG-13.
Jul 24, 2014, 2:55 PM EDT
Houston obviously didn’t match, allowing Parsons to sign with Mavericks
Jul 24, 2014, 2:22 PM EDT
Lin wore No. 17 with Knicks
Jul 24, 2014, 1:48 PM EDT
Just first season will be guaranteed
Jul 24, 2014, 1:04 PM EDT
Frank Caliendo makes it happen
Jul 24, 2014, 12:19 PM EDT
Do you think Jim Buss is going to give up his job, step aside for Rivers and put someone in over long-time trusted Lakers GM Mitch Kupchak? Really?
Jul 24, 2014, 11:24 AM EDT
Wizards deny Seraphin permission to participate
Jul 24, 2014, 10:33 AM EDT
Green, drafted No. 46 in 2013, spent a year overseas
Jul 24, 2014, 9:55 AM EDT
Huestis would have accepted arrangement only with Thunder or Spurs, but will the NBA or players union allow it?
Jul 24, 2014, 9:22 AM EDT
Sacramento’s search for a starting-caliber point guard let the one already there leave for Suns
- Players union approves of Thunder’s Josh Huestis arrangement 8
- Cavaliers officially sign Andrew Wiggins, putting 30-day hold on him being traded 43
- Lakers deny rumor they are waiting around for Doc Rivers to be coach 55
- James Harden: “Dwight and I are the cornerstones of the Rockets. The rest of the guys are role players.” 86
- Mavericks signing Al-Farouq Aminu to two-year, minimum salary contract 12
- Report: Ballmer’s $2 billion Clippers offer nearly double what Bank of America valued team at 20
- Report: Jameer Nelson near $2.7 million deal to join Dallas Mavericks 17
- Report: Mavericks void Rashard Lewis’ contract after it’s discovered he needs knee surgery 13