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If we can stop laughing, we’ll tell you about the Heat being interested in Eddy Curry

Apr 2, 2011, 4:30 PM EDT

New York Knicks Media Day 2010

We’re going to get through this with a straight face. Or at least as far as we can. You ready?

Yahoo! Sports reports Saturday that the Miami Heat are strongly considering signing free agent center Eddy Curry to help with the playoff run.

… Hold it in.

Curry played, well, was on roster for the Knicks for five seasons, appearing in 222 games across that span (I’ll let you do the math). A combination of weight issues, injuries, weight issues, personal problems, and weight issues kept him from seeing much time and eventually his contract became the largest behemoth around the neck of the Knicks, and came to symbolize the failure of the Isiah Thomas era. But after being waived this season, Curry went to Chicago to work with Tim Grover. Estimates are that in just a few weeks, Curry has lost close to 25 pounds.

He is still reported to be close to 350 pounds.

Seriously, serious news story here. Don’t distract us.

To make room for Curry, the Heat would likely cut second round pick Dexter Pittman, who has seen almost no time this season, despite having quite the hefty frame himself and showing some potential in preseason in areas Curry might suffer in, like… dexterity. And freedom of movement. And cholesterol.

Sorry. Won’t happen again.

The Heat do need a center upgrade. Even adding Erick Dampier hasn’t solved their problems down low, and an effective Curry might be the difference in staving off some of the Eastern elite like Boston and Chicago…

I can’t do it anymore.

It’s Eddy Curry, for crying out loud. It’s great that he’s trying to get back in shape. It’s awesome that he’s lost 25 pounds. Him recovering and having any semblance of a career after what he’s gone through in his personal life over the past few years would be a remarkable story. And surely, Pat Riley used washed-up veterans like Antoine Walker and Gary Payton in 2006 to help the Heat win a title. But it’s Eddy Curry. He was never that talented to begin with, and the weight issues only further complicate that. When word leaked out that Curry was hopeful to sign with Miami, everyone laughed it off, saying how not even Miami was that desperate.

Turns out Miami is exactly that desperate.

What’s odd is why they don’t give Pittman at least a shot. A big, slightly overweight rookie who can come in and provide energy? Isn’t  taking a chance on a player like that exactly how the Celtics got Glen “Big Baby” Davis? Instead the Heat continue to be obsessed with veterans, particularly ones three to four years past their prime. If this doesn’t work out, and we mean in a big way, it’s going to be a pretty huge mark against Pat Riley. Signing the Big 3? Stroke of genius. Everything after that? Nothing but gristle.

Sorry. Couldn’t help it.

Update 4:51 p.m.: The Palm Beach Post spoke to Riley who said he worked out several players in Chicago, that it was a “big picture look” and that anything beyond that is purely speculative. Maybe, some sense in a world gone mad? Possibly?

  1. thestudiokida - Apr 2, 2011 at 4:37 PM

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    • purdueman - Apr 2, 2011 at 7:23 PM

      thestudio… I disagree, but only because I, like so many other NBA fans, want to see La Bum and Miami fall flat on their faces come playoff time, and adding a useless, disruptive, out of shape, fat party boy like lazy Eddie would be yet another welcome distraction to the “Three Prima Donna’s”!!!

  2. zackd2 - Apr 2, 2011 at 6:02 PM

    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  3. dysraw1 - Apr 2, 2011 at 6:58 PM

    i want to read the article when big ed makes u eat those words. hes to young to count out like that.everybody deserves a second chance somebody is gonna give ed his.in the history of the knicks hes not among worst weve had. he only became a bust when dantone came on board.

    • purdueman - Apr 2, 2011 at 7:21 PM

      dysraw… the ONLY way lazy Eddie should ever get a second chance is with a team in a city that rolls up their sidewalks at night (so that he can’t be out with his posse partying all night long). A place like Oklahoma City or perhaps Fargo immediately comes to mind (doesn’t Fargo have a D-league team?), but any big city team that signs this slug is going to regret it!!!

      • dysraw1 - Apr 2, 2011 at 8:19 PM

        where the hell is fargo?

      • purdueman - Apr 2, 2011 at 8:24 PM

        Fargo is the biggest city in North Dakota, you betcha! I hear that there’s only one bar in town that stays open until 10PM, and that only on Friday and Saturday nights. That’s the kind of place party boy Eddie needs to go to… one that shuts off all the lights in town at 9PM on weeknights and 10PM on weekend nights. Otherwise? Lazy Eddie and his posse will be out until last call, night after night after night!

        How did fat Eddie blat up to a reported 350 pounds? All that fried bar finger food, too many donuts and way too much beer, that’s how!

  4. purdueman - Apr 2, 2011 at 7:17 PM

    The ONLY thing that fat, lazy Eddie Curry has EVER cared about since his trade from the Bulls is partying all night with his posse in tow. You’re going to but THAT guy on a team where open all night South Beach in Miami is? Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!

  5. dysraw1 - Apr 2, 2011 at 7:45 PM

    hey u may be right i mean i dont know the mans lifestyle choices. i do he came to camp in 2009 in pretty good shape and he didnt get a fair shake then.

    • zackd2 - Apr 2, 2011 at 8:10 PM

      Losing weight =/= worthy of playing time

  6. shakago - Apr 2, 2011 at 8:37 PM

    This deal seems like a “Value Meal”, I mean Value Deal…

  7. dysraw1 - Apr 2, 2011 at 9:07 PM

    dont like to harp on a subject, but heres a thought. you invest all these millions in todays players, why not push them to be court ready.i know a little something about this game dick dantone who left phoenix because he was mad they got shaq. never had big ed in his plans anyway. he just dont like big men. thats just what he has now no bigs. innovation is one thing , but you see he didnt make it out west with that crap.

    • purdueman - Apr 2, 2011 at 9:16 PM

      why not push them? simple; because for the most part when it comes to the NBA the hip hop inmates run the asylum. the problem is huge guaranteed long term contracts; if a guy like Curry just wants to go out all night and party with his posse, there just isn’t much that the coach can do.

      Just look at the reprehensible mutiny that’s occurred this season on the Pistons against their head coach. He’s now a dead man walking and all he wanted to do was win (which is more than I can say about the majority of players on that roster).

  8. trbowman - Apr 2, 2011 at 9:55 PM

    Is Michael Ruffin still available?

    • purdueman - Apr 3, 2011 at 5:00 PM

      trbowman! LOL! Good one!!! Hey, if fellow slug Ruffin isn’t available and greaser Pat Riley chooses to pass on fat, lazy Eddie, maybe the Heat can convince Will Perdue to step out of the booth and onto the court! As the late Winston Churchill liked to say: “Desperate times call for desperate measures!”.

      So La Bum, you and the Heat fans all thought at the beginning of the season that you could break the Chicago Bulls all time record for wins in a season and just waltz through the playoffs en route to a championship, huh? Bwahahahahahaha!!!

      Only one problem with that… there’s only one basketball in play at a time in the NBA and you’ve got two ball hogs and no distributor! The Heat should get through the first round of this years playoffs, but not any further.

      • alltimeballa - Apr 4, 2011 at 1:11 PM

        @purdueman

        I will assume that you are from cleveland and you owned a poster of Lebron and you were a “witness” a couple years ago…..your hatred for Lebron has made you attribute something to the Heat that none of them ever said. The talking heads compared the Heat to The Bulls and said that the hallowed “72” wins would be in danger. Anyone who really understands basketball knows that it took MJ years to find the right peices to win thst number of games. It is highly unlikely that any team will ever again be able to reach such a number of wins. That being said, you must admit that The Heat are a very dangerous team to meet in the playoffs. Do you really believe that a second round team who by the way would have to be the away team is really going to beat The Heat? A 7 game playoff if very different from 4 games spread out over the year. Lastly, I hope that there aren’t many tall buildings in Cleveland because if the Heat win the NBA Championship, there could be mass suicides.

      • purdueman - Apr 4, 2011 at 5:18 PM

        alltime… in fairness the Cav’s management, when La Bum was there the owner gave then GM Danny Ferry a lot of leeway to spend money and make deals to try and surround La Bum with the right pieces to win a championship; it just didn’t happen.

        As for La Bum’s well chronicled posse? Just take a look at how many pro athletes attract these mostly leeches and how so many of them eventually find themselves flat broke not too long after retirement. Leeches, not friends.

    • purdueman - Apr 4, 2011 at 3:50 PM

      alltime… no, I’m not from Cleveland but have probably made close to 100 trips there when it was part of my sales territory for four years, and truly like the town and the people. I paid no attention to La Bum up until his shameless money grab on ESPN to announce to the loyal Cavs fans in Cleveland to drop their drawers because he was doin’ ‘em.

      It’s not just La Bum either; I hate any pro athlete who chooses to live the hip hop life style and travel around with a posse and a sense of entitlement. These guys are just bums and a disgrace to their respective teams.

      • alltimeballa - Apr 4, 2011 at 4:20 PM

        Lets be honest about this….The Cavs had Lebron for seven years and the owner made an unbelievable amount of money on “the talent” he took to Miami. Maybe Lebron could have said it a different way but however, he does not own ESPN and he did not control anyones remote control when The Decision was made. He had every right to choose where he wanted to work just as you or I can make that same decision.

        As to hislifestyle, its not a crime to be loyal to the people who have supported you throughout your life….thas called friendship. The people of Cleveland are to blame for the sense of entitlement because they gave Lebron the city.

  9. dysraw1 - Apr 2, 2011 at 10:02 PM

    yeah but sooner or later u gotta grow up . this will be his last chance, he has to know that. thats the problem with taking these kids out of high school

    • purdueman - Apr 2, 2011 at 10:07 PM

      dysraw… excellent point about what can happen when you take kids right out of hi skool to the NBA. I couldn’t agree with you more, but unless Eddie’s posse has managed to pick him as clean as Scottie “No Tippin'” Pippen is reported to be, he doesn’t have to grow up. He’s been living the high life off of the dumb $12.5M/year contract that Zeke gave him for several years now.

  10. dysraw1 - Apr 2, 2011 at 10:39 PM

    yeah something wrong if you file bankruptcy the same year that your making 12 & a half clams

    • zackd2 - Apr 3, 2011 at 10:49 AM

      No rich person is actually “bankrupt” when they file for bankruptcy, it’s just a show to move money from your left pocket to your right pocket.

  11. Southern Sports Talk with McLean Godley - Apr 2, 2011 at 10:52 PM

    ITS FUNNY CUZ HE’S FAT!!!!!!!!

  12. willcoop - Apr 3, 2011 at 1:13 AM

    Does everyone remember when Big Ed and Tyson Chandler were teamed together and everyone thought Chandler would be the one to wash out. Well look here, Tyson put on weight that’s called muscle and Eddie put on weight that’s called blubber. Tyson worked and is one of the top defenders in the league plus he will give you about 12 to 15 a game while Eddie will gain 12 to 15 a night from drinking a keg and eating at the colonel. Eddie has already had his second chance. This kid is the new version of Chris Washburn and Joe Barry Carroll, the new fatty and lazy. I watched this kid play in Illinois and spoke with a top sports writer and told him he had zero work ethic.

  13. dysraw1 - Apr 3, 2011 at 10:13 AM

    poor ed i like the guy i seen him at the rucker a couple of times back in the day.i wish him well

  14. midnite2020 - Apr 4, 2011 at 8:28 PM

    alltime dont your time on this idiot he’s about as smart as Mississippi mud and about as insightful as watching paint dry

  15. dysraw1 - Apr 5, 2011 at 3:22 PM

    the heat worked eddy out this weekend, could be signed by end of the week

    • purdueman - Apr 5, 2011 at 3:35 PM

      I’m sure that the late night bars all along South Beach are just giddy in anticipation! All fat, lazy Eddie has ever been interested in doing is collecting up his posse and going out all night to party. Putting him in Miami is like hiring a drunk as the only night guard at the Jack Daniels plant!

      • dysraw1 - Apr 5, 2011 at 3:40 PM

        riles will straighten himout

    • purdueman - Apr 5, 2011 at 3:39 PM

      Giving fat, lazy party boy Eddie regular access to South Beach in Miami is like the police hiring a heroine addict to guard the narcotics evidence cage and handing him the keys to the locks!

  16. dysraw1 - Apr 5, 2011 at 3:39 PM

    riles will straighten him out

    • purdueman - Apr 5, 2011 at 3:44 PM

      Oh? Is Riles coming down to take over coaching the team? (I hadn’t heard). What could Riles possibly do that Dolan, Zeke and his teammates couldn’t do in New York? Fine him? He could care less. Suspend him? He could care less.

      Not play him? He could care less. Do what the Tigers have done with Cabrera and assign a chaperon to be attached with him at the hip 24 hours a day? He’ll just turn the guy into a drunk.

      No, Eddie’s best shot at success is to rent himself out to Goodyear for sporting events and float him over stadiums with a camera in hand!

      • dysraw1 - Apr 5, 2011 at 10:28 PM

        purdueman im just curious how do u know about how ed spends his free time, by u r a very funny guy

      • purdueman - Apr 5, 2011 at 11:18 PM

        dystraw… denial is not a river in Africa, but if you think that the Heat can make a silk purse out of a SOW’s (as in big fat pig), ear, who I am to say good luck and that you’re not delusional?

        I know far more about fat, lazy Eddie that you give me credit for. I have a lot of friends who live on Chicago’s far south side, and that’s where Eddie’s posse and home turf are… Harvey and Dolton, IL and they’re both gang banger cesspools (my friends are there are mostly from nearby Calumet City on the Indiana line, and that city’s starting to go to hell in handbasket too as all the white people move out).

        Don’t take my word for it though; why not go there alone some Saturday night about say 1AM all dressed up and flashing a small wad walking the streets there alone at night and see where that gets you?

        Oh, and before you do, if you have any loved ones, take out a big ass life insurance policy first!

  17. dysraw1 - Apr 5, 2011 at 3:46 PM

    big ed could really benefit from the slick passing of lebron & d-wade

  18. dysraw1 - Apr 6, 2011 at 9:44 AM

    due u strike me as a person who knows alot about this game. i was curious as to your source about big eds party habits. so u seriously believe that big ed cant turn it around, i mean come man ive seen people who smoked crack for 25 years stop. so what makes big ed the acception.

  19. dysraw1 - Apr 7, 2011 at 5:45 PM

    last thoughts about big ed speaking hypothetically lets just say the heat decide they wanna use big ed. and say he comes in contributes 10 points 6 boards. does that mean the knicks[coach inparticular] never intended try & develope the big mans game

    • purdueman - Apr 7, 2011 at 6:11 PM

      dser… putting Party Eddie in the city that never sleeps meant that he never slept much while occupying space on the Knicks roster (and that’s about all he did too… “occupy a roster spot”). Unfortunately Miami is almost open as late at night as New York is; it’s like turning Eldrick The Creep loose on a bordello that has no customers at the time he arrives!

      But to your question, any team who’s paying a player $12M/year is going to do everything possible to try and at least get some return on their investment, even when the investment turns out to be not so good. What Cleveland did to eventually develop Danny Ferry is a great example. Ferry was considered a huge bust his first couple of years in the league, then good coaching found him a niche that he grew into and thrived in. The difference though is that Ferry had a good work ethic; lazy Eddie has none.

      There is one thing though that Curry can provide, and that’s 6 fouls just standing there plugging up the middle. Maybe that’s what Miami is thinking?

      • dysraw1 - Apr 7, 2011 at 7:30 PM

        youd be surprized how important having those 6 extra fouls to give in playoffs can be. i was thinking the same thing all year, that the knicks need to plug up the middle. i luv amare but hes no center. the man belongs on the wings

      • purdueman - Apr 7, 2011 at 7:40 PM

        Not discounting the value of having a big immobile fat moose to plug the center and provide 6 fouls to give; just pointing it out that that’s fat Eddie’s only real value.

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