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Dwyane Wade, Carmelo Anthony, Mark Cuban all sued by crazy Kentucky inmate

Sep 2, 2010, 8:06 PM EDT

Thumbnail image for Wade_okay.jpgMeet Jonathan Lee Riches. He’s a bit of a legend (in the urban sense) of the legal and penal systems.

His claim to fame is not the simple wire fraud that has him behind bars. See, what Riches likes to do is file lawsuits from his prison cell. Handwritten screeds that are filled with courts and go after damages from the famous. Really, you aren’t famous until Riches has sued you. Among those who have had to have a lawyer look at this are are George Bush, Martha Stewart, Steve Jobs, Michael Vick, even Somali pirates (who may need to be subpoenaed to appear).

Well, welcome to the club Dwyane Wade, Carmelo Anthony, Mark Cuban and Jerry Buss. The Dallas Observer read through the lawsuit and gave us some of the choice bits (all via Deadspin).

Carmelo Anthony told me he is going to kill me … I was his former boyfriend and we were in a sexual relationship in 2000 (Anthony was going to go after Riches because of the tell all book Riches is writing … honestly I might read that book).

Mark Cuban stole my credit cards and tried to buy the Texas Rangers with my money. Mark Cuban assaulted me serving ice cream at Dairy Queen.

Jerry Buss sold me Jeannie Buss on eBay and I was promised a Lakers janitor job when I get out of prison for less than minimum wage.

Obviously, these are all not true. I know you just said “duh” but there are people who buy the Globe in the checkout line at the grocery store and believe its every word like we’re in Men in Black. So I felt I had to put in the disclaimer.

And although it has nothing to do with basketball, this is my favorite one from the suit.

Nolan Ryan threw 100 mph fastballs at my head and he and Robin Ventura beat me up at the Church of Jesus Christ.

  1. KnoxTime - Sep 2, 2010 at 9:18 PM

    Greatest story ever…

  2. LAKER_FAN - Sep 2, 2010 at 10:43 PM

    OMG LMFAO

  3. kcjohn - Sep 3, 2010 at 1:34 AM

    This is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. It amazes me that people can actually file lawsuits like this. What a wonderful use of time and money.

  4. dew - Sep 3, 2010 at 3:26 AM

    Everyone of those are false accusations… except may Carmelo. That I can believe.

  5. Brandan - Sep 3, 2010 at 7:19 AM

    That guy is an idiot, this post is stupid and now I feel stupid for reading it. A psychiatric patient? Whatever, have him sent to a prison in Texas and get Bush to sing an execurion. I know the system will thank you for that.

  6. Brandan - Sep 3, 2010 at 7:24 AM

    Give that guy and M4 and send him to Iraq. And tell him if he can get more than 100 enemies you take him to Chucky Cheese.

  7. Josh - Sep 3, 2010 at 7:24 AM

    @ bull’s fan… Why don’t you go find your sense of humor or something. You must be a really uptight prick to not be able to get even a little bit of a laugh out of this story. You seem to be taking it a little too personally. Did you have your eyes set on Carmello first? Lmao.

  8. Anonymous - Sep 3, 2010 at 7:27 AM

    only kurt helin and ira windienressohf as well as michael ventre would post something this stupid
    -chrislam1112@hotmail.com

  9. LeBoob - Sep 3, 2010 at 8:11 AM

    Overheard LeBron after reading this article, “WHAT, why isn’t my name on that list”? “There has been nothing written about me in the last 24 hours”. “This is an outrage”.

  10. Keith - Sep 3, 2010 at 10:42 AM

    You watch……I’ll end up working for this dick some day. Almost as crazy as the people / company I work for now.

  11. KageFighter - Sep 3, 2010 at 12:27 PM

    Batman beat this guy up at church?? I expected more from a Yankee. Hey…hey…wait a second…Nolan Ryan threw a 100mph fastball at his head??? We gotta test him for juice.

  12. kdb - Sep 3, 2010 at 12:43 PM

    Had to laugh out loud at this one! Now the cats are staring at me.

  13. wizard of Oz - Sep 4, 2010 at 3:53 AM

    make him the mayor of LA, he’s over quailfied, but what the hell.

  14. Anonymous - Sep 8, 2010 at 4:47 PM

    Ur a dummy hater loser

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