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Shaq is really a 12-year-old girl named Tanya

Aug 9, 2010, 1:22 PM EDT

Shaq_sitting.jpgIt’s like a scene out of an unrealistic television cop drama (unrealistic like having four CSI employees working on your case, as opposed to one CSI working on 50 cases).

You’re being arrested for propositioning underage girls on the Internet, and in comes a 7’1″, 300-pound, shaved head man who says he is your Tanya.

Welcome to Shaquille O’Neal’s reality, as he told Vanity Fair.

For the last seven years, I’ve been a detective for Internet crimes against children. So if you ever see me, you know we’ve got you. If we come to your house, it’s all over. You’re going to be arrested. You’ve been having Internet conversations with me, and we’ve got all the evidence we need to take you down…

I play a little girl on the Internet. So whatever name I’m going by, that will probably be my catchphrase. If I’m Tanya, then it’ll be something like, “Tanya says hello.” And they’ll be like, “Tanya who?” And I’ll say, “You don’t know no Tanya, huh? I’m Tanya. Let’s go.” And that’s when the cuffs get slapped on you.

I know it’s for a good cause, but Shaq as a 12-year-old girl creeps me out. I get it, Shaq speaks the language, he gets kids. Good for that job. Still creeps me out.

And don’t think when he is banging bodies with Dwight Howard or scrapping with the Miami Heat somebody isn’t going to be calling him Tanya.

  1. Jeff - Aug 9, 2010 at 4:46 PM

    Keep take’em down Shaq! Congrats on making a difference in this world!

  2. Jackie - Aug 9, 2010 at 4:53 PM

    Your awesome Shaq god bless you.

  3. Kobe - Aug 9, 2010 at 5:06 PM

    I hope I never accidentally chat online with Shaq! But at least I have more rings than him.

  4. Awesome - Aug 9, 2010 at 5:12 PM

    LOL…that’s the best comment of the day.

  5. Anonymous - Aug 9, 2010 at 5:16 PM

    do you have any idea how many chuck norris jokes just popped into my head?

  6. Concern in Washington - Aug 9, 2010 at 5:23 PM

    Pete, have you never made a mistake in your life? You are perfect in everything you do? The man made a mistake with his affairs, but guess what, that is between him and his wife. What he is doing here is good and no amount of mud slinging on your part will take that away. Get real already. I would hate to live in your world where you hound people forever, for making a quite human mistake and will settle for nothing less then perfection in everyone/everything around you.

  7. Jason - Aug 9, 2010 at 5:28 PM

    First of all…this is a bit weird that Shaq does this. Also, since when does Shaq have time to chat online posing as an underage girl?? Really??! I know it’s for a just cause…but an NBA player having time to chat for hours with strange men??? Is this a joke??

  8. NowWay - Aug 9, 2010 at 5:39 PM

    Pedophiles do not get caught this way. Those internet challenged days are gone. It is public knowledge that cops + fbi are posing as minors in the chatrooms. There are very few un-aware true minors as well. These nut cases are still family relatives and friends, and men who frequent playgrounds & school areas.

  9. Sean - Aug 9, 2010 at 5:45 PM

    Tonight on “To Dunk A Predator.”

  10. Yikes - Aug 9, 2010 at 5:46 PM

    They should have a few MMA fighters (preferably ones with daughters) show up to the suspects’ home. That would scare me a heck of a lot more than teddybear Shaq!

  11. DameElaine - Aug 9, 2010 at 5:47 PM

    Shaq is a police officer as well as a pro player. I wondered what he did as a police officer; now I know.

  12. Lisa S. - Aug 9, 2010 at 5:51 PM

    Way to go! I hope the people he visits also have a “small accident” such as running into a wall on the way out the door! I wish there were more MEN like this around. Maybe the scumbags that walk on 2 legs would be afraid enough to stay away from our children. I now support Shaq 100%, will buy his products, and push for companies to endorse him. What a great role model.

  13. JOE vito - Aug 9, 2010 at 6:14 PM

    I liked his first reality show.. shaq VS much better….hes no Dateline NBC with Chris Hansen ….NOW if SHAQ actually roughed a couple of these perverts up…THAT would be a show I’d tune into….otherwise…. I’ve seen it….Chris Hansen is the Eddie Van Halen of catching perv’s……Tell the producers and SHAQ to try a little harder………

  14. Dwayne - Aug 9, 2010 at 6:38 PM

    Me too..Im 12
    – Dwayne Wade

  15. Dwayne - Aug 9, 2010 at 6:40 PM

    Me too..Im 12
    – Dwayne Wade

  16. Michelle - Aug 9, 2010 at 6:44 PM

    A little creepy I agree

  17. Wolfy - Aug 9, 2010 at 6:47 PM

    Have you read Segal’s wiki or read up on information about him? He has the certificate accrediting him as an officer by POST, the organization that accredits California Police Officers. Steven Segal is a Reserve Deputy Chief, which means he serves with the police department of Jefferson Parish, La for free.
    On a personal note, Good job Shaq and I hope you keep doing a great job in catching the few predators that do use online. However it would be nice if Shaq did, as someone else said, point out that most predators are someone the minor is related to or is close to the family.

  18. vickie - Aug 9, 2010 at 6:53 PM

    I just cannot believe how stupid you stupid ass men are. Which one of you is the predator. Maybe each idiot has been that little girl.lol why dont you do something to help instead of whining about his personal life. Not Your Problem. Lets hope your children will be a victim. Hopefully your not a molester….
    Sean, Jason, Tami, Yosef, and Pete. GROE THE F UP.

  19. tw1sted - Aug 9, 2010 at 8:44 PM

    LOL The Clevland jealous fans still crying. I am sure calling Wade a 12 year old helps you Cleveland fans feel better. Cause I know wade sleeps well with his championship ring. And soon to have some for other fingers

  20. tw1sted - Aug 9, 2010 at 8:45 PM

    LOL The Clevland jealous fans still crying. I am sure calling Wade a 12 year old helps you Cleveland fans feel better. Cause I know wade sleeps well with his championship ring. And soon to have some for other fingers

  21. tinkerthinker - Aug 9, 2010 at 10:50 PM

    I am more creeped out by the preditors, what’s wrong with you? When I read that you were creeped out by Shaq I thought you must be a preditor yourself.

  22. Aspecial1 - Aug 10, 2010 at 12:06 AM

    A well known sports figure is trying to do something good. Deal with that and leave the rest out of it. Show some common sense and maturity. Having to lower yourself to place the race card and name calling is so grade school.

  23. Kini - Aug 10, 2010 at 4:35 AM

    I’ve seen this in a Heavy Metal Cartoon story.

  24. Rachel - Aug 10, 2010 at 6:28 AM

    My HERO!

  25. Nigel - Aug 10, 2010 at 7:47 AM

    Shaq! Now I will cheer your arrival in Boston! Good on ya, man!

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