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Kenyon Martin is not amused by your tomfoolery

Apr 3, 2010, 3:18 AM EDT

Kenyon Martin has always struck me as a man who takes himself entirely too seriously. His career is marked by tough guy posturing in every conceivable form, to the point where Martin is at times a caricature of himself. I just want someone to grab K-Mart by both shoulders, look deep into his eyes, and tell him in a comforting yet aggressive tone: “You are the guy with a tattoo of lips on your neck.”

Hopefully that would be that. Martin would chill out a little bit, learn to laugh at himself, and not launch into an obscenity-laced tirade when the victim of a prank on April Fool’s Day.

According to ESPN’s Chris Broussard, a former Denver ball boy played a practical joke on Martin for April Fool’s by filling up Kenyon’s car with popcorn. No points for originality, as popcarn is just about the oldest gag in the book. Hyuk-hyuk-hyuk, your car is full of a delicious edible treat.

Any other instance and that’s the end of the story, or maybe Martin retaliates with a prank of his own. Only in this case, the car in question is Martin’s Range Rover with white interior, and the popcorn in question is excessively buttered. That makes an innocent prank an expensive innocent prank, and it makes an already humorless Martin even more humorless.

Broussard calls the event a “distraction” and cites a Nuggets source that says the prank went “horribly wrong.” This all seems like much ado over popcorn, even if some car interior was sacrificed in the process. The instigator apologized to Martin and offered to pay for any damages, so the impact of this horrendous offense to human sensibility is…what exactly? Martin going a little crazy on his teammates for something they didn’t even do?

That’s not a problem, it’s a symptom. Really, that’s all this incident is: evidence of frustration for Martin and probably for the Nuggets as well. That’s what happens when a key player has missed significant time due to injury, and the team as a whole is starting to feel the heat of the impending postseason.

  1. bk - Apr 3, 2010 at 5:28 AM

    you are missing the point. Yes, Kenyon Martin is a loose cannon and capable of lashing out at the pope. But what the ball boy did wasn’t a suitable “prank”. It was a sheer form of vandalism, and for that matter, theivery (of the car keys). Martin could sue the nuggets if he wanted to, but he’s showing restraint for the betterment of the team.
    Exactly who’s the fool in this situation? April fools jokes are meant to surprise people, not vandalize private property. Seems like the ball boy needs to grow up.

  2. donw - Apr 3, 2010 at 8:43 AM

    Get a life and don’t forget to wash Kenyon’s jock strap this weekend.

  3. T2 - Apr 3, 2010 at 8:51 AM

    I agree with BK 99%, but on the other hand these guys make so much for being in the public eye they (he) could just buy a new car with their pocket change. The ball boy needs to use packing peanuts next time or Martin should fill the ball boys car with butter, now that would be worth a story.

  4. b.e. - Apr 3, 2010 at 8:55 AM

    Yeah, I’d have to agree with bk. Had it been plain popcorn, then everything would have been fine and dandy. But “buttered!” That was carrying it to far. I’d have been P.O.’d too.

  5. davidly - Apr 3, 2010 at 2:34 PM

    That was a practical joke and, even so, not a very good or considerate one.
    An April Fools’ joke involves making someone believe something is true, and then revealing than you had fooled that someone.
    By extension, this joke would have to have involved, say, placing the same model and make of vehicle where Martin had left his and filling it with whatever crap, and then revealing (no doubt to Martin’s relief) that his car was, in fact, around the corner.
    The ball boy doesn’t sound like the brightest bulb in the arena.

  6. Nuggetsfan303 - Apr 3, 2010 at 3:14 PM

    lol, people should be glad KMart didn’t get physical over this. I’m sure there are plenty of people out there that would’ve if they weren’t in the media sports spotlight.

  7. HoosierInMaryland - Apr 3, 2010 at 4:56 PM

    99% of all NBA players are prima donnas. It’s just that some, like KMart, are more prima donna than others.

  8. Peter Pan - Apr 3, 2010 at 9:24 PM

    Sorry if I were K-Mart I would be a little pissed.
    However I do love theather popcorn, so maybe it’s not all bad.
    But everyone knows never mess with someone’s car in a prank.

  9. tedow - Apr 5, 2010 at 2:40 PM

    I know I would be pissed if someone got greasy popcorn all over the seats of my 2002 Chevy Cavileir, so I think K-mart has every right to be mad. I agree with BK, that is vandalism and a pretty stupid prank by the ball-boy. So not only should the ball-boy pay to have the car detailed the Nuggets should should fire his stupid ass as well!!

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